24.10.07

if i am not wrong..u might be having a full moon party around this time....
gosh...it seems like yesterday....we were talking about the plans ..how you wont be able to celebrate my bday due to confinement period
remember how we planned to go Bangkok again...you said u really like to shop there
last week i traveled to Bangkok without you....
the decision was made so "impromptu" because i needed a trip badly
i look at the sky in the cab and on the plane..and i ponder on the questions i have asked many times..why?
i try to find the solace and serenity i longed for
although mind was crowded with thoughts of you and other problems
i am at least..alone and relaxed..

i visited your grandma again few days ago..
i am not sure why..whenever i see her in your house....i could just feel you
i cant stop staring your red school bag that is placed on the chair
i could imagine you sitting on the chair studying or talking to your grandma
grandma still misses you so much
i try to comfort her as much as i can
for i know is always easier said than done
only time can heal
i am really not sure how long it might take

i will never forget you in my prayers
i love you and miss you dearly...

Our gathering without you

Dear Carrie,

I thought of you so many times yesterday. I was driving down town to meet up with Ah Yuh for her birthday and our moment together kept on revolving like a drama. I really miss you so much. You would have delivered by now and must been busy getting back to your fit bodyline.

Yesterday was just me and Ah Yuh. Ah Peng went to Malacca for holiday so it was a small get-together. We were talking about you and admired the initiative you always put in for all our birthday celebration.

Ah Yuh showed me her Eygpt photos and I was busy updating her on my Europe trip. We bought her a perfume as pressie.

You always planned for all our gathering and birthday at least 6 weeks ahead. You will always be the first one to send e-mails asking for ideas what to buy or checking where to go. Things have now changed without you.

You always be the first one to arrive waiting for us who always never been on time )P: The amount of effort that you have put in is a strong indication that how much you care for us.

Now when I look back at all the photos we have took together, it brings back so much happiness and planted a smile on my face.

Miss you always,
MH

13.10

May Yee...yesterday was my birthday...
i can't stop thinking about you as you will always organize a proper and nice bday gathering for me every year...
13th Oct will never be the same anymore..
maybe it has been a day i have shared with you for more than 20+ years?

after u've left me, i have learnt so much ..learning from my regrets..of postponing things i should do for friends..or taking people as granted at times.
i regretted that i have rejected meet ups with you due to work/study...

i didn't plan to celebrate this year..but i am very touched with the bday surprises i got..
it makes me realized, i have so many caring and nice friends around me...
i really hope those who are reading this..will always treasure your loved ones and friends around you
for me, i don't even have last chance to say anything to May Yee
i could only wish that she could hear me...
i could only look at her pretty pictures and pretend that she is smiling back at me

but i know what i should do now is to treasure all the friends i have now
I've learn to appreciate people and things around me when you were around...and even now, i have not ceased doing so but i will put in even more effort.....
thanks May Yee.......

p.s:yesterday i dreamt of you smiling sweetly to me.......miss you baby

xoxo,
CKPY

80 days

Dear May Yee,

I have visited your family last Saturday. They are better now but i could still feel the remorse and sombre atmosphere..
grandma said she often dream of you crying at night..she misses you dearly..
goshhhhh.....i miss you dearly too...

80 days have passed..not a day is passed without thinking of you....for being part of my life for 22 years...everything i do..every place i go..every thoughts of you will seep in unconsciously...

I used to call you while driving back from work cause you know i tend to fall asleep while driving..
that day unconsciously i dialed your number...
i paused and i cried and cried like i just realised you are not around anymore..
i just cant get used to it yet...really......sometimes when i wake up..i wish it was all some dream..

Movies in cinema dont seems to attract me anymore..i had so much funny/sweet/tired and scary experiences watching movies with you...

I asked one of your staff in the outlet..and he told me that they have found a guy to replace your position..

people have moved on..things might have changed...

what else can I do for you?

i will pray for you and your baby everyday...I miss you..

p.s: the postmortem result is not out yet...